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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The TALK - When I am a parent

I'm not sure what I will actually say to my child one day, but I believe a clear, direct, un-bashful talk is necessary. I had to write the essay below for my Heath Psychology class tonight. I figured I'd save the content for possible future use?

Q: At some point in your life you will most likely need to approach the topic of STDs and AIDS within the context of your role as a parent. How will you approach sexuality and HIV/AIDS transmission and infection? To what extent will you discuss abstinence, examples of high-risk behaviors, and/or behaviors associated with safer sex? How will you resolve (what is often viewed as) potentially competing demands of educating your child and instilling moral values? Imagine that you are the parent of a 13 year old. Write a short essay that describes this discussion.

A: Sex is a beautiful special gift from God. It is the power to create life and come closer to our spouse. He has shared this power with us - his children; but, he has also given us rules on how and when we are to use this power. God wants us to be happy and experience joy. When you are married you and your husband can share this gift with each other. You can also bring children into the world. This will bring you great joy and happiness.

Now, the world wants us to think that sex before marriage is ok or a good thing. The media is full of immoral behavior. It is common place in society today, but God has reminded us in the scriptures that we are to be chaste. We are blessed when we live God’s commandments, like the law of chastity, which means that we are to only have sexual relations with our legal husband or wife. When people have sex before marriage, there are serious consequences. First, we hurt our spirit. We also are hurting the spirit of the other person involved. The world wants you to think that if you love a boy, it’s ok to have sex. But, if you really loved each other you wouldn’t want to hurt each other. Having sex before marriage will only bring hurt, guilt and shame. We also offend God, if we break this very important commandment. We can repent if we sin, but this is a serious sin and even if we repentance and are forgiven, we still have to answer to the consequences.

There are also real physical consequences. You know how babies are made, and many kids that make the mistake of having sex before they are married, fall pregnant and are unable to take care of the child. The world says it’s ok to have an abortion, but it is not. That would be a great sin! If ever you are in a situation and you find yourself with a decision like this, come and talk to me. I will love you always. We will help you. Of course we will be sad for you, because I know that this sin is grievous and will not bring you joy. The scriptures teach us that wickedness never was happiness. Remember God wants us to be happy! That is why he gives us commandments. Commandments keep us safe from the devastating consequences of sin. Commandments are there to protect us. They are from a loving Heavenly Father.

Pregnancy and the creation of life is supposed to be the most beautiful part of life! God wants us to share this gift with him. You will experience this joy when you are a wife one day. You will get to be a mommy raise your children in the gospel with your husband. The ramifications of pregnancy outside of marriage can be devastating. Adoption is the best option if something eve happens to you or your friend. The Church helps people who cannot have babies on their own to adopt children from people, like teenage girls, who cannot raise a child.

There are also certain diseases that are very bad, that are passed through sex. STD’s are terrible diseases that can result from unprotected sex. HIV can also be attained which is incurable, leads to AIDS and eventually a person will die because of the weakened state that their body is in as a result. There are some other behaviors like using illegal drugs that can give people HIV/AIDS because it is spread through bodily fluid, like blood. Some people who do not live the commandments and the law of chastity and participate in sex before marriage sometimes try to use “protection” against these diseases, such as condoms, but there are often not effective and can still result in sickness and death. The best protection is to not participate in these behaviors. To keep the commandments and to be morally clean and pure.

Elder Holland once said this in the talk the INCONVENIENT MESSIAH,
“This highest of all physical gratifications you were designed and created to enjoy. It is as natural as it is appealing. It is given of God to make us like God. And Satan has certainly capitalized on a divinely ordained appeal. But it is not yours without price. Not instantly. Not conveniently. Not with cozy corruption of eternal powers. It is to be earned, over time and with discipline. It, like every good thing, is God’s right to bestow, not Satan’s. When faced with that inherent appetite, a disciple of Christ must be willing to say, “Yes, but not this way.” In time, with love, after marriage. The right and proper and sanctified physical relationship of a man and a woman is as much a part–indeed more a part–of God’s plan for us as is the eating of our daily bread. But there is no convenient Messiah. Salvation comes only through discipline and sacrifice….In our time the only restraint left is self-restraint. I ask you to say of this highest, most intimate, most sacred physical expression, “Yes, but not this way.” I ask you to be inconvenienced until you’ve earned the right and paid the divine price to know the body and the soul of the one you love. Excuse me for speaking boldly, but this must be said.”

What questions do you have? I will answer any questions you have about anything, that I have said or you wish I had said. I’m open and want you to feel open with me.

PS: This is a great article on CHASTITY and sexuality! Why Standard Night is Substandard by Kathryn Soper!


  1. Wonderful! What a great mother you will be! I do not doubt for a second that your children will feel they can speak with you about sex and any other subject on their minds! You wrote a great essay! I am so pleased to hear how strong and bold you are-- strong in the faith and bold in speaking the truth! Your children will be very blessed-- especially because you teach that sex is a gift to draw husband and wife closer together as well as create children (and you included a wonderful quote on that)! Too often people refer to it as the "dirty-dirty" or the "share-with-all" instead of the "beautiful-beautiful" or the "only-between-husband-and-wife!"
    Everything you wrote in your essay was unquestionably straight from your heart! What a wonderful woman you are: high standards and values with obvious unbreakable commitment to them!

  2. Thanks Derek, gad you liked the post!